A Silent Love
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A Secret Regret…
A Soulful Desire…
Yes, this is what I feel when I travel back to my life.
Few years ago…
Ah…! Quite few years…
But whenever those memories flash in front of my eyes, it seems like, it all happened yesterday. My life is full of stories. But this one is the one which I am desperate to write it again… live it again.
An incomplete Love story, yet a complete Love in its own beautiful ways.
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Although we both belonged to different parts of the country, different cultures and traditions. Yet somehow destiny made us cross each other‟s way in life. We met by chance.
The story begins with a low tone.
A pair of “Hello” with a simple smile. ~Wish we would have stayed by choice ~ Slowly and steadily…The smile grew bigger while “Hello‟s” were dragged to little conversations. It all started with Facebook. Although there was none of our face nor a book which tells us about each other. We were strangers.
Yet I read her and she read me…
Our texts introduced us to each other. With each new block of texts, we came to know each other a little more. She was a south Indian and I hailed from northern part of India. I was very much fascinated by the place she belonged to. So I insisted her to teach me her language. She knew my language a little. Honestly speaking, she knew it quite well. I started learning new words of her own world.
We worked in the same company in Bengaluru. I was quite young, fresh out of college. Although we were in different departments, but still we used to get a chance to see each other every day. Those few seconds of encounter, when she smiled saying “hello” by waving her hands.
I used to respond by blink of my eyes with a smile.
She had a beautiful smile with all the wit and charm. Her smile used to drag me in another dimension. Fragrance of her charm gave me the peace I have always craved for.
Her dark black eyes blocked my vision of reality. A cute mole on her chin, just below her lips gave a kind of passion to my instincts. She was like a dream in my dreams. Those few seconds of encounter was like a rebooting to my life.
Some days passed this way, creating a slow and sweet bond between us. Till then, we became friends. Life was flowing slowly with sweet small conversations which sometimes used to turn into big laughter‟s. Especially due to my funny way of speaking her language. My way of attaching strings, the new unknown words…
Those moments are still so clear in my memories…
Yes I remember it all…!
~ A Moment to Remember~
With each passing day I could feel that, a beautiful thread of love was connecting us together. That phase of life made me realize that our soul is connected in magical ways. That feeling was above the world…
Life became happy by being drenched in the sweet showers silently…
I desired to carry this feeling ever and forever with me. We both shared almost everything about each other… our cultures, our families, our background. So I knew it is not going to happen with all the indications she used to give me indirectly.
In spite of that, my belief in "flow of nature‟ kept me going.
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Life is volatile, it‟s unpredictable –
I never thought, soon those beautiful moments would no longer be there to inspire me... One day she told me, she is leaving our work place. On her last day, I met her, but we didn‟t have any talk.
That day suddenly I felt something. I felt something is being left behind.
Uh-oh… I gave a thought and realized that it was me, only me who was being left. She was leaving… We promised that we will be in touch and continue our magical bond.
I knew I will never meet her again. But there was nothing much I could do at that time. So I thought it‟s best to leave those moments in the hands of destiny, in the hands of our creator. If something beautiful has to happen, it will happen anyhow in the most wonderful ways.
As I believe that, the best things in Life happen naturally. That‟s the only way we can truly achieve the peace and happiness which our soul desires. We were back to our world of texts. Our conversations continued as usual, adding a pinch of sweetness every moment. I used to miss her every day, especially our few seconds of smile and greeting.
In no time, I was addicted to that moment. Even if it was just like a flash of light, that light gave me so much delight. It inspired me deep in my soul. That Inspiration was missing and honestly speaking, it hit me hard every time. Without my realization, it soon became my reality, where I felt like being trapped.
A phase came when there was a need to take next step towards the eternal journey. I think, at that point of time, we both realized that the thread of love is pulling us closer each moment. But I was never confident from her side. I thought it might be the situation on my behalf only. Might be, I am the only fool.
So…I let it flow with nature.
I am a man of patience, who believes that everything has its own perfect time to be presented before us. But it seemed like our time was in no mood to get synchronized with my patience... Who knew, soon our world of texts will also be lost with the velocity of time…?
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Our conversations became less day by day. From days to weeks, weeks to months and soon they were diminished completely. I felt, each moment flowing away from me. But I couldn‟t do anything.
I gave my best… I did what I could.
I did what was true as well as real…!
I didn‟t even know what‟s going on her part. Does she feel the same? Or she is too busy in her own world with her friends and family. I had no clue…!
Obviously, I was not the one with an extra starch. We all are humans…! We both belonged to different places, different cultures and region. I think she understood that we have reached a point, from where we can go nowhere.
Like this many thoughts came to my mind, without knowing what the actual truth was…?
Seasons passed with passing years… Time flew with my burning desires, my passion and my Inspiration. People say time heals everything. Actually, it never heals anything, we just get used to the situations. But the truth is that, regrets are always there…
I didn‟t know about her, but I was Living half-a-life…! Half of which was left behind, I feel somewhere between her sweet smile and the cute mole.
I didn‟t think I would ever fall in love again. I know that everyone says that after heartbreak, but the difference is that I‟m not heartbroken. I‟m not cynical, or pessimistic, or sad. I‟m just someone who once felt something bigger than anything else I‟d ever felt and when I lost it, I honestly believed I would never have that again. But... I was 22 then and life is long. And I‟m feeling things right now that I haven‟t in a long, long time.
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Seven years have passed now… Here I was in a different phase of Life. Now, I have a family with my loving wife and a sweet daughter.
On a beautiful cloudy day in Bengaluru; we were heading to the airport as my wife was leaving for her home town. My little sweetheart was crying as she didn‟t want to leave me.
We reached the airport and found that flight is delayed by 2 hours, so we decided to stay in the waiting hall.
My little girl was playing, running here and there. She didn‟t have a habit of sitting at a place. She was always flying like a bird.
Yes, like a free bird...
~ A Moment to Remember ~
My wife was worried, so she gave her a call. She called "Meenakshi…‟
Suddenly, a lady standing nearby turned around and said “Yes”…
A known voice, I turned around and was shocked to see her. Yes, she was the one, my beautiful past desire…
As my desire for her was deep rooted somewhere in my soul, my instincts insisted me to name my little princess after her name. So it was…!
Looking at her, everything flashed again in front of me in no time. Yeah… Everything…! We both saw each other and greeted in our same old fashion. Her sweet smile with a “Hello” and blink of my eyes was replayed again.
I never in my dreams thought that I will ever meet her again. We both got emotionally touched by meeting after so long.
Still don‟t know about her… But all my desires came up to my eyes. I controlled myself to the extreme.
She was wearing a pretty red dress and my eyes were flowing in the same way as it used to be.
“Oh… wait a minute, it was maroon… "
There‟s a difference right…? ~ A Moment to Remember~
She looked exactly the same. Her same beautiful smile, wit and charm flowing through her dark black eyes. And yes the cute mole on her chin. How can I forget that…!
Meanwhile my little princess came to me and my wife told her about the same name as of my daughter and that she was calling her…
At that moment of emotional tenderness, when she came to know that my daughter‟s name is also Meenakshi …
I saw her wet eyes which slowly looked at me, as she understood it all…
Something happened to her; she reluctantly said, “I have to go”. A little boy came running to her and said “mom, dad is calling you…”
I looked at the cute boy and asked him, “Hello dear, what‟s your name?” But before we could have any conversation, Meenakshi said “bye, I am getting late…!”
A mixed kind of feeling was flowing through me. I was feeling good as well as bad. She was leaving again. Again something was being left behind…
But it has to happen. When I couldn‟t stop her years before, then today I don‟t even have the right.
Again at that moment I felt, it is true as well as real…! I have to accept it.
Though I didn‟t understand her sudden weird behavior. Was she angry with me or she became too emotional?
Today also I don‟t have a clue…
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That fragile moment was flowing like a movie in slow motion… Meenakshi turned around to leave and I was about to turn towards my family. We were just few steps away; suddenly a sweet voice came from nowhere.
It was her cute son…
He came closer to me and said “My name is Aman, what is yours?
I was shattered, shocked and my heart fell...
I was in a state, where I couldn‟t understand the difference between dream and reality.
I closed my eyes… fell on my knees…
After few seconds I took a deep breath, smiled at her son, kissed on his forehead...
And said, “Dear my name is also Aman”
Meenakshi looked at me and I looked at her...
She read me and I read her…
Our eyes were locked with all the desires and tears rolled-down our cheeks…!
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~ Sabya sanchi ~
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